Research Design
Many women these today are opting out of the work force according to New York Times columnist Lisa Belkin. Belkin questions why so many women with high education and opportunity are choosing to let go of the opportunity to be equal to men in the workforce so that they may be a mother in the home. That is a very valid question, but my question comes from a part of her article, The Opt-Out Revolution, when she is speaks of molecular biologist, Shirley Tilghman about her experience of being a single mother and continuing her career. Tilghman says, “A life in science, combined with motherhood, meant leaving undone a lot of things I might have wanted to do,” which led me to question why the opt-out studies happen to be all about women and the effects that motherhood has on their career instead of the man.
I do believe that leaving the workplace is a choice, but a mother has to have that choice available to be able to make it. Tilghman obviously did not have the choice to quit working because she was a single mother.
It really bothers me that there are minimal effects on a male’s life that is expecting, or has, a child. Yes, there are single fathers, and it’s actually becoming more common, but it’s not to the extent of single mothers. The fact that Belkin speaks as if most women have a choice of opting out gets under my skin as well because I was raised by a single mother who was raised by a single mother, and neither of them had the choice. Although, my mother did opt-out for a few years and then continued to work prior to being divorced.
To answer my question, I would have to ask a single mother how she is effect by not having a choice to opt-out, while understanding that not all women wish to opt-out, and if she feels that she is missing out on any part of life. I could also ask how gender roles coincide with my question because the mother is the parent that carries the child, so there is a deeper bond (from my female perspective), but the gender roles urge a mother more than a father to want to stay home with their child.
I do think there are many exceptions to my question, but they are merely exceptions, not the trend.
Methodology
I decided to find a young mother that did not, and still does not have the choice to opt-out of the work force. She had her daughter when she was 19 and luckily graduated from high school. I chose her because she didn’t even get to start a career before she had a child and she was not married. I have noticed that in the studies the women have all been married and they can rely on their husband. Macey, the mother that is now 25, managed to finish college with a masters, buy a home, new car, and find herself a career while being a mother. I sat down with her after spending a day with her to ask a few questions to help my research. The following information is questions that I asked Macey about her motherhood experience and her answers.
1. What was your initial thought when you found out you were pregnant fresh out of high school?
A. Honestly, I thought about what people would think of me and what my mother was going to say. I always knew I was going to finish college because my mom is a teacher, but my initial thought was how I was going to do it with a child.
2. What did your mother say to the thought of her young child having a child?
A. She kicked me out. She let me come right back home, but she definitely had to get over her disappointment first. I had so much going for me and it all came to an end when I found out I was pregnant.
3. Is the father still around? How was his life effected by this child compared to yours?
A. Unfortunately, her father sort of took off when she was a few months old. He doesn’t care to see her, so I guess he’s able to just go on as normal while I had to take care of her, finish school, and begin working. It was tough, but I wouldn’t change it for anything now that I have her and I feel great about myself knowing that I turned a bad situation into a great one. I know I am lucky, but it took a lot of self- discipline and support from my family to get me through.
4. Does it bother you to think that your life was put on hold and not the father’s when this was because of him as well?
A. It bothered me a lot. I didn’t understand how someone could just leave their child.
5. After summarizing the opt-out article to you, do you feel that you have missed out on any part of your life due to your child?
A. I did miss not doing the “normal” things that kids my age were doing such as going out and going on spring break vacations, but with my mothers help I was and still am able to have the freedom to do some of those things. It is hard having to worry about a babysitter always. Yes, I wish I could move to Dallas for a summer or something, but I could never do that because I wouldn’t know anyone that could babysit down there if I were to meet a guy and I couldn’t take my daughter away from her nana.
6. How do you feel about not having the choice to stay home with your daughter?
A. I wasn’t able to think about that much because I knew had to go to school so I could support the two of us. As for now, I am a successful teacher and in a way I am with her all day because she goes to Washington, where I teach. Yes, if I were to have another child I may want to stay home, but I think since I haven’t done that before I will feel more comfortable about going back to work again.
My Observations
Although Macey does not have the choice to opt-out, most of the teachers that work in her building are also moms that did not choose to quit working due to motherhood. That is something that bothers me about Belkin’s article. She doesn’t interview enough people that don’t have the choice, and she speaks as though it is the norm when it is just a common thing to do, not the “norm.” Most teachers are females in the elementary level and they are usually drawn to the field because they have the stereotypical nurturing characteristic, but many teachers do not opt-out because their schedule also allows time off when the children are out of school. Now, I understand why Belkin speaks about women in higher status careers.
Write Up
Although Macey was not able to do many things her friends were and are doing that don’t have children, she doesn’t exactly see it as leaving some things undone but there are things that motherhood makes more difficult. The mother is definitely more affected by a child than a father. Other articles on family that I’ve read in Women’s Studies agree that women are way more at harm with careers and families because of the nurturing stereotype. Today, it isn’t as common for women to opt-out but in comparison to men there is a vast difference. More men are staying in the home while the mother works, so that is also a stride that is being made in gender equality.
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